Skip to main content
Just feel like I'm sinking back into the abyss I've spent my whole fucking life crawling out of. It's almost like as if I'm crawling out of a well, just to realise that the real world is not just blue skies and happy birds; it's another well altogether. It's kinda scary right.: when will it end? When will I truly be free?

Tutoring helps by making me obliged to go to school . But I'm getting lazier and lazier each day. What if one day I just give up? I'm not responsible enough for this.


So many tilty things happening recently :<

Comments

Anonymous said…
I love reading your blog. I love reading it all the time. I love how vulnerable you are in your posts because I can totally relate them. But you shouldn't be releasing them to the public. people wouldn't understand. They will call you a psycho and a bipolar and they will scorn at your misery. You hope, even for a little bit, that someone out there will understand your pain. But nobody does. I like you but I wouldn't want you as a friend because you can be crazy and people don't like crazy. I suppose you are someone who has a little thrill reading about Ted Bund or has a little duping delight when you get your way at the expense of someone else. At times you crave to be understood but really, you are secretly happy at the success of some of your lies. you wouldn't say anyone really knows you because your stories, like your behavior and personality are often packed with lies that are carefully planned so people will see you in a certain way. Not necessarily see you in a better light but who cares really. It's just in your nature to deceive and get things in your control. not that you don't love them, you just love yourself a bit more.
4:33 PM
ChmelO! said…
Wow how do you even leave comments I can't even access the comment page on my desktop haha. Thanks for the comment and you're very right in several aspects but I no longer relish in someone else's misery. I also try my best to be real and not lie so I'm not sure what are you talking about (probably my older posts from when I'm more immature and malevolent). People don't like crazy, but do you? I'd like to know you more: hit me up at chmel.oh@Gmail.com. there's no need to create a fake account I'm not gonna stalk. ^^

Hope this somehow gets to you.
9:02 PM
Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

IFOA CP1 Apr 2021 Exam Tips and thoughts

EDIT 202107: So.. I've passed CP1 and I thought it's a good time to republish this  ________________ I have a lot to say about the study methods, but I think I'll share them here only after I've passed cause I mean.. if I fail you probably wouldn't want to learn/know my methods but here are some general exam tips  EDIT: I have decided to apply what I've learned in CP1 and structure this post based on ACC :D 1. Preamble   This is IFoA's 3rd (arguably 2nd) attempt at online papers for CP1,  2. Specifying the Problem The first stage of the actuarial control cycle is to identify and analyse the risks of the various stakeholders in detail, and to set out clearly the problem from the point of view of each stakeholder IFOA wants to have a fair exam, where everyone who is deserving of a pass passed Students want to pass, especially me, and will study hard to try to score well for the paper. Employers want students to pass to be able to move on to the nex...
Post a Comment
Read more

Chmel and Friends - Sharon

母亲的爱，像一座高山， 蕴藏着深深的情感关怀， 就像春天里盛开的花朵， 从天地之间绽放而来。 女儿勇敢地闯荡世界， 激情像燃烧的火焰一样， 不愿受束缚，自由自在， 在风中自由地飞翔。 我们的道路不一样， 她在人生的舞台上奋斗， 母亲心里忧虑满满， 但却爱她永远不变。 当阴云遮挡视线， 母亲温柔地拍拍我的头， 只希望我能回家， 心情一直挂念。 看着我成长，像花儿开放， 偷偷地流下眼泪， 她的眼中隐藏着秘密， 风雨无法阻挡， 她的爱永远无边。 虽然道路曲折， 但爱会一直陪伴着你， 母亲守候在你身边， 爱你永不停息。
Post a Comment
Read more

Psalm 84:10

For a day in thy courts is better than a thousand I had rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God, than to dwell in the tents of wickedness. It's been almost 500 days since I've left my full time job and man was it a journey.. thinking back of those days without my Lord, I really felt this verse speak to me. At first, guilt and shame overcame (more on that next time) - what did you do with these 500 days? What did you accomplish?  But God is gentle and kind - he spoke to me that 500 days on earth is no better than half a day in his courts. How many of us have had a bad half day? Does it affect the rest of our lives? Does it have an impact on eternity? If not, why should I let the enemy use guilt to over power me? A thousand days cannot compare to one day in your courts I'm forever yours <3
Post a Comment
Read more