The D,E,F of Suicide

 Trigger Warning: Suicide + related thoughts

Disclaimer: I have 0 medical training, heck I didn't even do Biology in high school. What I'm about to share are mostly personal experiences + stories I've heard of or read about. This is 100% an opinion piece- please take it with a pinch of salt and #dontsuemeplease

First and foremost, this post is inspired by a conversation I had recently about suicide.. The topic being so stigmatised and taboo in our Asian community make it very difficult to talk about.. However, thanks to the sharing, I've came up with the below analysis:

Firstly, when someone is suicidal or verbalises such thoughts, it scares people away.. Even if it doesn't, said person may not know what to do. To add to the difficulties, I've realised there are many forms of "suicidal thoughts" and the "best way" to deal with them can vary with the form.

In this post, I'll focus on breaking down the various forms of "suicidal thoughts" and also share what I feel is the best way to go about handling each type, if you or your loved ones are going through such an experience.. (again, my opinion + no research/stats to back up #dontsuemeplease)

1. Escapism: I think many people have felt this way in their lives before due to overwhelming circumstances. This happens when life throws you too many lemons and you're like, "ok I'm done with making lemonade, I wanna move on." Examples of lemons: 

• Getting into debt
• Going through a bad breakup
• Not scoring well for an important test/retained in sch
• Having a loved one fall ill
• Burning out at work

Basically, these are stressors that can happen to anyone, and it's the circumstance of your life that you can't fully control at times.. Due to the lack of "control", you may feel powerless and weak, wanting to "escape" from the situation and this terrible feeling, you may erroneously conclude that suicide is the best way out..

I would like to assure you here that you're not alone in this situation and there are things that you can control! eg, your mindset and your actions- it's like swimming in a pool of lemonade: instead of trying to drink them all, try lying on your back and floating, taking it one step at a time..

Most of the above can be resolved in time.. Meet a professional and seek help - financial advisor to plan your way out of debt, tutor to help in your studies, therapist to speak about how you feel..

The idea behind this form of "suicide" is the need to escape from the current circumstance. You may think that death is a "quick fix" to your problems but here, I'd like to encourage you to ponder about the problems you will leave others when you're gone..

Understand what you need is a break, and also perhaps a plan out of your current situation, and work on it, bit by bit. Also try to have 1 or 2 close friends you can share such thoughts with without judgment (they're not easy to find but if you find 1, do HODL) - this piece of advice applies to all 3 types of Suicidal thoughts I will outline below.

Sometimes, "Tough love" can help, as one may need a "kick in the butt" to "wake up their idea", and stop "fantasizing" about death, "snap back into reality" and "face the music", taking concrete actions which will help in the short run as well as the long run. 

One last point about this "Escapism Suicide" is that it has a sound premise (eg, you are stressed and overwhelmed), with a valid thought process (eg, you want to escape from said bad feelings), but what can be improved is the logic behind the conclusion (eg, suicide is NOT the ONLY way for you to take a break). Alternatives can be: Find another job, go to the beach, watch a movie, meditate, dance to your favourite song in front of a mirror.

(the above list is deliberately made up of things one can do alone because generally when such thoughts strike, or perhaps even when one is on the brink of committing the act, one is usually alone..)

If that doesn't help and you don't have anyone to talk to, https://www.sos.org.sg/  this link may help!

2. False Premise: This goes a bit more into mental health/psychosis, which I have no professional training on but basically it is when you have certain thoughts that may not make sense to the average person. 

Trigger warning: Paranoia- If you're suffering from Psychosis or Hallucinations or currently under the influence, please skip this part.

Eg, If you don't *kill yourself* by 00:00, a meteor will hit the earth and kill everyone. If you don't *hurt yourself* before this movie ends, someone you love will turn into a zombie. For each day you're alive, 1000 innocent people will die in your place (very real with what's happening in the world today..)

By definition, the premise is false - despite how they may feel, the world is unlikely to collapse because they do not choose to hurt themselves. It's very difficult to understand what and how they think this way, but religious folks may point to demons and evil spirits.. I have no conclusion on the origin, but I know that such thoughts occur..

The reason I want to distinctly separate these first 2 types of suicide is that you can't just ask someone with "False Premise" to "snap out of it", as their reality is different from yours and IMO, the best thing to do is to listen to them and understand "their reality" and "play their game" with good intention of helping them get better. At this stage, it is very important to be kind (eg, no tough love) as anything perceived to be unkind may trigger further paranoia.. This story may help you better understand what I'm saying: https://www.chabad.org/library/article_cdo/aid/612171/jewish/The-Turkey-Prince.htm 

It's also likely that medical aid can be helpful, as there are antipsychotic medicines that can work to manage the condition.. (yes, I'm referring to IMH)

3. Depression: I find this the trickiest of all, as there is no premise, no logic, nothing. There's just nothing and you just feel nothing and nothing nothing. I don't even know how to describe it, but it's not an overwhelming feeling, you just don't feel like living..?

Eg you can go for a beautiful staycation right next to the beach where you can see and hear the waves and you may think: hmm, how nice will it be for a tsunami to happen and then I can finally die. There is no stress, no anger, no logic, not even sadness (as compared to Escapism)..

I find that it helps to stay active and be productive. When depression hits, one can stay in bed for 20 h a day and do nothing. I think it's acceptable in the short run but in the long run, it makes the situation worse and even less manageable. 

Personally, I give myself 2 weeks to "self-heal" and "LXQ", but I realised that if it's longer than that, it starts a very bad downwards spiral, so I've learned to speak up and call for help if I cannot self heal in 2 weeks. But to each his own, you may take 3 months or 3 days- the trick is to observe, be aware, take notes and find what works best for you and/or your loved ones.

Examples of being productive:

• Journaling (eg, Write a blog post about mental health :P)
• Create a tiktok video
• Go for an art jam session (free flow paint and coffee with a canvas to paint on)
• Read a book
• Coloring
• Pick up saga seeds
• Volunteer
• Pack your room
• Play a song
• Drive/cycle around
• Swim
• Take a shower

One may feel that any activity is "meaningless" or maybe even "lame" but I find that this thinking (that everything is meaningless) is not a source of the problem, but a symptom of it. Think about it, when we were young, everything is exciting to us and I think somewhere along the way, things changed.. (I don't have any idea what this "thing" may be sorry, this is just an observation..).

The best way forward is to take baby steps, don't aim to swim 40 laps, start with 1, move on to 2 and then 5 eventually. This "progress" can help you feel "productive" and hopefully lead you into an "upward spiral". 

If you're a caregiver, I think it's important to be positive and encouraging. Whatever they want to do, try it with them, accompany them and elevate them (it can be as simple as saying "good job!")

I think personal grooming helps as well because generally, someone who is depressed will not care about it at all. Bring them for a haircut, and shower them with compliments after. This can lead to another upward spiral of self-care, where they take the initiative to groom themselves..

Professional medical aid can help here too, as anti-depressants can help to balance the chemicals and connections in the brain that may help improve the state of mind. 

I've tried to distill my experiences and hearsays into 3 distinct types of "suicidal tendencies" so that it is easier to identify and hence help more effectively, eg, if I were to "tough love" someone who is "depressed" it may be counter-productive, leading to them distancing themselves from you or even greater trauma.. 

The reality is grey as a person could also have a combination of all 3 thoughts (+ more..), which becomes a lot tricker.. But if you or your loved ones are having such thoughts, please take some time to listen/speak to them and if it is not resolved within a set period of time, please seek professional medical help (again, I mean IMH).  

If you're a caregiver, thank you.. Wow.. It's definitely not easy as you need to give care and take care at the same time. However, I've learned that if one does not take care of oneself first, it becomes harder to take care of others.. That's why in airplanes they emphasize that you need to wear your oxygen mask before helping others! 

If you have more thoughts on this topic and would love to share, feel free to leave a comment- I'd love to hear about your experiences. Thanks for reading and all the best :)